All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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