pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize