I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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