Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
