i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
