We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize