You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dicks are not precious.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
