If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize