Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
third nipple confirmed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
