i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
