You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
