DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
