Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
