When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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