remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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