Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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