a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
now i know why i became what i already was.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
