I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
