there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
