would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize