I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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