I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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