Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
