Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
