omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
