i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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