I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
