I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
