I must be too annoying 4 u.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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