I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
