he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
