I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
