Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
