You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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