did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
