forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
