I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
