Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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