Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
