My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize