Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize