she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
