were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
