Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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