I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
