Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
