im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
