After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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