You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
