I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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