Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
