I'd wear matching sweaters with you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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