i jhust puked up my retainher.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
