Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
