Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
