You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
