It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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