Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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