I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
