You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't notice because vodka
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
