i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
