the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
