dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
