Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
