Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
