Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
