separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
