Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
