Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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