Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize