you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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