alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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