i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Come see our sink grown plant.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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