4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
