We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
