On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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