i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
