I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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