Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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