Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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