I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
