Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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