When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
