My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this will be a night to untag.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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