Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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