Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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